I’ve always loved new pens, pencils and paints, paper, stickers and clay. When I was little I would always be the one playing with craft and art materials, lining my colours up in rainbow order, making things, starting bold projects with no idea where they would lead. As I got older, like so many people, this natural creativity and urge to play became slightly battered and I started to get hung up on whether I was good at art. I remember at around 8 or 9 in class being asked to paint an imaginary city. I hadn’t got a clue and I was very disappointed with my attempt. I remember clearly deciding that whilst I may be OK at drawing from things in front of me, I wasn’t any good at drawing from my imagination.

I still loved art though, making, drawing, learning new crafts. And I was OK at it – I knew that – so I studied Art at A-Level alongside history and English Language. At University, however, I decided to study International History and Politics. I’m not sure where I got that idea to be honest. I wanted to be serious about my life and focus on something that would take me ‘somewhere’. No one was telling me this but I think it was just the sense from society and perceptions around art not being a ‘real subject’.

Looking back, I can see that from this point my life took a certain direction. The history course was OK, it was interesting and I passed but it didn’t really take me anywhere that I wanted to go. I left university completely unsure what to do and ended up studying a Primary PGCE. I met my husband whilst we were both training to become teachers, and for the next 10 years, teaching and developing our careers took over our lives. That’s not to say I stopped being creative, making and drawing. These were always big parts of my teaching, sometimes with disastrous results, and I occasionally continued my personal practice. Creativity however took a sideline compared to my burgeoning career. By 2014 I was Head of a large primary school, mother to a 2 year old and pregnant – with twins!

The next 10 years were understandably a bit of a whirlwind and I’d be lying if I said I remember them all with any clarity! Priorities had changed and we both focussed on our girls whilst also driving our careers. We had a great partnership and supported one another well to keep our careers on track. Time was tight, evenings were for doing our work and there was a lot of stress as many working parents will know. Time for art, creativity and making was pushed even further to the sides and around the girls, though it did pop out in decisions I made professionally where I was always ready to pursue creative opportunities and projects.

Then there was COVID lockdowns, the return to ‘proper’ school, the focus on ‘catching up’, so many children with mental health difficulties and increasingly I began to feel like school was meeting too few children’s needs. More and more what I felt children needed – the opportunity to express themselves – was having to be squashed. It made me sad. And sadder and sadder. The demands were immense, the stress unbearable and I finally decided to leave.

That was in September 2023 and I’ve spent the last four months enjoying being there for my own kids, coming down from the stress high and trying to work out what is next. After being so busy for so long it hasn’t been easy and I’ve been very tempted, in fact tried hard, to throw myself back into work. It was hard at the beginning and I thought it would get easier but in fact it got harder and harder. I was used to feeling purposeful, having meaning and it felt like those things had gone. What has got me through has been my kids, obvs (as they would say!), my amazing family and friends. But also those crayons, paints, pens, the making, drawing and painting. I’ve had time to fully rediscover my creative self and to go with it, nurture it and even share it with others. I’ve not only created more but I’ve posted it on social media and been amazed that so many people I know so well didn’t know this part of me – a part that I feel is so fundamental.

And so here I am – at the beginning of something with no idea where it will lead but with the determination that it will be full of colour and creativity and I can’t wait to share it with the world!